The Horrible Fragrance of Men’s Grooming Products

The marketing directive for the fragrance of most men’s grooming products would seem to go like this:

“Team: The men in our target market have absolutely no discernment or taste, and we need to pander to that. When it comes to scenting our product line, we need something obnoxious, something that makes eyes water and nostrils burn – the perfect olfactive complement to a Jersey Shore or modern ‘bro’ look. If our customer tries to wear a more refined scent of his own, our products should totally overpower it and really dominate any room he enters. Anyone who shares an elevator ride with our customer should smell like us for the rest of the day. (A fun fact about the line: our deodorants and hair gels also work as insect repellent, but we can’t legally market them for that. That said, something that actually smells like Bug-Off or even a super sweetened sundae topping is not off the table.) Our sampling meeting is in four weeks. We’re looking for options that really melt our faces off. Dazzle us!”

If you’ve ever smelled any Axe product, you might conclude that the satirical memo above is not too far fetched. In terms of how they smell, most grooming products give men a raw deal. The scent is way too heavy and, to make it worse, simply horrible to begin with.

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New Trailer for “Bohemian Rhapsody”

Hair and makeup on an actor playing an iconic real life person with whom we are very familiar is a risky prospect. It can be brilliant and seamless or it can be so embarrassing and distracting that it takes us right out of the movie. Fortunately, it looks like the filmmakers behind Bohemian Rhapsody really nailed the “wow, he looks just like him” challenge. Rami Malek’s hair, makeup and the prosthetic for the signature overbite conspire to make his likeness to Freddie Mercury pretty damn good.

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Tom Wolfe, Style Icon

In a numbing sea of sameness and conformity, Tom Wolfe stood out. He found a look (a really good one), latched onto it and committed to it totally. Instead of looking like everyone else and boring the hell out of himself and anyone who looked his way, he decided to dazzle. And dazzle he did.

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Vegan Mac & Cheese by a Bitchy Vegan Homo

I’m not a vegan, but I’ve adopted a classification I call “vegan-adjacent.” After quitting meat in 2010, I’ve also made adjustments that bring me closer to a vegan without going full-tilt. Since then, I’ve drastically dialed down the dairy, only consuming it when I’m out at a restaurant or a party, and I still occasionally eat fish. Other than that, I’m much closer to vegan than carnivore.

When I moved back to Cleveland at the end of 2016, I was delighted to see far more vegetarian and vegan offerings than I’ve ever noticed before. But Cleveland is very much a meat eater’s town. Every other menu or advertisement for a restaurant is all about the beef, the bacon and the extra cheese.

If you add all that to the fact that I’ve detected little to no discernible gay presence in Downtown Cleveland (not even one gay bar), imagine my sheer delight when a friend forwarded me a brand new Cleveland-based vegan cooking video series by a guy named Dave Huffman, a.k.a. Bitchy Vegan Homo.

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Know Who You Are and Buy The Best You Can Afford

I get a lot of pressure from brands and readers alike that I have to try this suit maker, check out those shirts, review that company, take a look at this label, yada yada yada. But these days, almost every Tom, Dick and Watchmaker likes to play the ‘luxury’ card, framing their wares as premium goods for bros who want to look like they’re killing it.

My problem is that I’m neither a “luxury” person nor a person who needs or wants a lot of stuff. When it comes to solicitations that land in my inbox, I understand the confusion. Between the tailored suits, shirts, ties and shoes, I probably present like a luxury person, even though I’m not. But these are hyper-casual times where a shirt with a collar, pants that aren’t denim and shoes that aren’t sneakers are considered “dressing up.”

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The Post-Shave Soothe

A few readers and social media followers have asked about my post-shave ointments. After trying so many things over the years, I’ve settled into a very simple and effective ritual: moisturize.

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You Need to Have Good Teeth

We have to take care of our teeth. Our enamel grill is both an essential part of digestion and also a vital component to how we present to others socially, romantically and professionally. It’s like our shoes: On both conscious and subconscious levels, people notice.

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