In terms of corrosive messages from the beauty and fashion industries or from culture in general, women are dealt the lowest of blows. Whatever the source, women receive a twisted message that tells them they won’t get married, loved, liked, paid or laid until they do something about their face or their breasts. It’s the reason we have this creepy legion of expressionless Caucasian women with Asian eyes, baby doll cheekbones, monkey lips, eggs benedict boobs and skin pulled so tight that they’re one procedure away from wearing a goatee. Joan Rivers is the only woman who’s turned the freak show into an art form. It’s part of her schtick, and I love her for it.
On a much smaller scale, men get their own cosmetic misinformation as we age. It’s about hair loss. In our culture, the repeated message is that we lose our virility and vitality when we lose our hair. With less hair, we’re less of a man for some reason. It’s nonsense. If this is something you do personally feel, then doing some research into medication like finasteride may be able to give you the answer you need when it comes to feeling a lot more confident with your hair and help to treat your hair loss. It’s worth a try.
Hair loss for men is not a problem. The problem is the creation and reinforcement of the message that hair loss is some kind of problem. It’s toxic information. I’m not genetically predisposed to lose my hair and, at age 41, I show no signs of losing it. But if I were, I’d face it head-on, literally. Seeing as there are many hair loss solutions, if I was to lose my hair, I know that there are options to help me deal with this issue.
“This is all very easy for you to say, George. You’re not losing your hair.”
I know. But for years, I’ve quietly harbored an envy of men who have that one less thing to worry about. From my teens into my thirties, I’ve worn my hair in every way shy of a perm or Bo Derek corn rows: long (pain in the ass), colored (an expensive pain in the ass), short (a breezy 15 second product toss to get ready), buzzed (liberating) and shaved to the skin (wildly liberating). Of them all, the shorn head was the biggest relief – one less thing to worry about or fuss over. If the time ever comes, my clippers are at the ready.
Wearing a toupé, getting hair transplants or plugs, or taking Propecia aren’t crimes. They just aren’t necessary. They’re gimmicks designed to put a Band-Aid on a wound that isn’t there, with relentless promotion that triggers insecurities imposed on us by outside influences. Men’s “hair clubs” and pharmaceutical companies make an obscene amount of money capitalizing on those insecurities, telling us that our hair loss is a problem, which it isn’t. By creating a need for a non-existent problem, they offer a phantom solution by telling us that a full head of hair can restore us to fully realized men who can get paid, laid and loved again.
And here’s the big truth: bald men are already fully realized men. Many of them in the public eye have been some of the coolest, sexiest and most attractive men among us: Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, Samuel Jackson, Esquire Editor-in-Chief David Granger, Michael Stipe, Yul Brynner, Patrick Stewart, Andre Agassi, Magic Johnson, Shaq, Michael Jordan, Michael Chiklis and the inimitable Telly Savalas. Real men.
If you’re not getting paid, loved or laid, it’s not because of your balding head. It’s because of something else entirely. (But that’s a longer story for a snowy night in front of the fire.)
For now, here’s what you do: if a commercial suggests that you’d be better with hair, change the channel. If a magazine ad promises you a hotter sex life with a full head of hair, turn the page, although if you are wanting a hotter sex life (with or without hair) you might want to buy VigRX delay wipes to help you perform for longer. If a friend tells you that men with hair are more successful, unfriend him (on Facebook and in real life). If your wife gives you the impression that she found you more attractive before you started thinning, start divorce proceedings or treat yourself to a hot affair with someone who likes bald men (there are lots of them). If anyone or anything gives you the bullshit idea that your lack of hair makes you less of a man, fuck ’em. Shave or buzz your head, get dressed and boldly go forth as the real man that you are.
10 Comments
You’re right on. Taking command seems to be the best method. If your hair is thinning (like mine) cut it short and clean. Take control. Show mother nature, and everyone else, that you can master your new look. It’s not a worse, older, less manly look, etc. It’s how you look now. It’s you at this time in your life. It’s how God made you.
Thanks, Derrik!
George, I totally agree with your hypothesis. Nevertheless, from the point of view of someone who has been “voluntarily folically challenged” for several years, there is another side: taking care of a shaved head is work. While I have been able to get the shaving process down to an efficient art, there are the times when I go through “hair envy” — of not being able to “style” my hair after having a full head of thick, wavy hair some ten years ago.
I hear you, Ivars. But taking care of a shaved head is less work than coloring, cutting, styling or – worse – worrying if anyone can detect wig lines or hair plugs. And, as an added bonus, it’s less expensive. Thanks for posting! G
Yes, keep the hair short and groomed. Forget that stubble. It’s dated and it looks desperate. Add some glasses if the face needs some angles and architecture. Be realistic too. The bald white man look isn’t the greatest. Whoever thinks Bruce Willis and Billy Joel carry it off, ha ha, well, just ha ha.
I stumbled on your website in an effort to find affordable solutions to business attire and found this informative article as well. As someone who is balding in my thirties, your article resonated with me. I have, to my discredit, fallen victim to the various hair growth supplements that inundate the market. Your article helps me recognize I’m not the first to have questioned my virility as a result of my follicle challenges (no less thanks to my sod of an ex). Your witty and cutting words offer a refreshing, uplifting, look on an oft-overlooked issue, in addition to spreading a little balm on some smarting pride. Thanks!
Thank you, James. Glad you enjoyed the piece. As I said, women get the worst of it in the “you’re less without this product” racket. But hair products and “clubs” for men come out with pretty strong, emasculating messages that I find personally offensive. Hair or not, we’re still men. Thank you for the feedback. I really appreciate it. Go forth boldly.
The honor is all mine, I assure you. Do not be at all surprised if I avail myself of your site’s other services as well.
Your enjoyment of the site is my pleasure and privilege. Thank you again.
I just stumbled across your website and was enjoying some of the various articles when I came across this one. George, thank you for writing this; I’ve been having a bit difficult time adjusting to the reality of my hair thinning. I think we can also get fixated sometimes when we are younger of how we might look as we get older. Myself, I was wanting a head of white hair like my grandfather (he was the coolest man). As reality has been setting in the past few years, my follicles might not make it to the finish line, I’ve pondered how I would approach the changes. Thanks again for the good post, I found it both comforting and reassuring.